just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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