cat food counts as protein by the way
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
