how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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