oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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