Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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