She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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