You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize