do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
