Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
