i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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