Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
