i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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