I heard we made out
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
