So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
