If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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