Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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