i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
