Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
