he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
