He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My cat gives me a boner
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
