you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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