So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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