Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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