now i know why i became what i already was.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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