Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize