Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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