And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
