dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize