Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just want to make out with him forever
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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