Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
