you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize