Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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