I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When are your genitals available?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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