I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize