i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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