I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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