About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
