I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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