This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
