A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
