I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
