i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
