East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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