dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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