Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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