Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I want her autograph on my taint
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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