Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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