We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
