I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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