you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
