She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
