i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
