I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
