My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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