i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
