He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
