Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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