It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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