glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
