When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
