Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
