And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
