you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
