I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
