i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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