his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
