Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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