I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How does it feel to date your dad?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
