i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
