At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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