My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
