my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
