Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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