worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My feet surprised me
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