Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize