I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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