so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
