you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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