Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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