i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize