My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize