So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
