I wish I only lived at night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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