this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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