Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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