I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
