just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
