The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
