Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
