you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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