Kiss
Puke
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
