K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
