"it" just moved
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize