But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
